My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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