sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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