I am puke
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
