So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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