just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize
