Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Randomize
