Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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