dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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