I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
