why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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