you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize