Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
This is the prime rib incident all over again
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
