just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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