Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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