I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Randomize
