so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
