You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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