so let's talk penis.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
soo... how was my night?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
