There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
