don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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