just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
