hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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