would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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