Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize