I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize