wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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