Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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