So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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