I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
