it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize