Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
