i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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