You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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