She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
