it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
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