How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
