dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
