yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
