I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
