I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
