Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
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