you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
