If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
