haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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