Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Operation Purity has been aborted
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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