The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
