Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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