I looked at my own cervix.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
