i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
