trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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