No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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