i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
