That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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