his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Rumble strips road head = magical
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
