I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
