we have pet lesbian snakes
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
