Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
