It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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