that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
