is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You made out with two different species that night
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
