i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
