I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
