So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Let's get the cat blown out
At least life still wants to fuck me.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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