Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
