I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
