Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
