Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize